


Such Sweet Sorrow

by theimaginesyouneveraskedfor



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-02 08:29:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10213580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor/pseuds/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor
Summary: Dwalin falls for the same woman as Thorin but never reveals his feelings until after BOTFA. With the king dead and the reader all alone, they help each other through their grief and eventually he confesses that he has loved her all along.





	

Dwalin lifted his eyes from the ground as he heard the musical laughter which brought a flutter to his chest. He looked to Y/N as she giggled against Thorin’s shoulder, his old friend just as cheerful beside her. The two of them had been near inseparable for the last weeks and it was clear to see the matching glimmer in their eyes. It was the same light which shone behind Dwalin’s whenever he saw or thought of Y/N. 

He shook his head and tore his eyes away from the scene, the envy burning in his stomach joined by the chill of guilt which ran down his spine. They were his two closest companions and yet he could not stand to look at them as of late.  _How could he have let himself be so careless? How had he let himself fall for his king and best friend’s love?_  He had always been such a miserable spirit _, why now had his heart decided to speak to him?_  

“Eh,” [Y/N]’s voice came, drawing Dwalin from his self-pity, “Dwalin, is there something wrong?” 

“No,” He answered a little too quickly as he watched her rise, pushing herself up by Thorin’s shoulder, “I’m fine.” 

“You know you can’t lie to me,” She quirked her lip as she crossed to him, “You know I can see it in those wrinkles upon that shiny head of yours.” 

“Gah,” Her jokes had always made him laugh and groan at the same time, yet now they only left him in agony as he held back the nervous chuckles which threatened, “You always know how to make me feel better.” 

“So, there is something wearing at you,” She prodded his arm as she sat beside him, “Although, we are all rather worn.” 

“It’s nothing,” He insisted, looking away from her to Thorin who was ever clueless to the storm of love and shame brewing within his oldest friend, “Nothing special. As you said, we all have our problems.” 

“You know you can talk to me, Dwalin,” She said as she put her hand upon his arm and he nearly flinched as he sent another nervous glance to Thorin who caught his eye and returned a smile. 

“I mean it,” He nearly growled, trying to keep his voice steady, “I’m alright.” 

“Fine, fine,” She removed her hand and he wished he had not been so gruff, “But I’m always here for you.” 

 _And I for you,_  he thought though he gave little more than a grumble in response. 

She rose once more, giving him one last smile before she turned and crossed back to Thorin who took her hand in his and pulled her down beside him. Dwalin bit the inside of his cheek and looked to his fist, which he had not realized he had been clenching so tightly. He released the tension, another pang of remorse coursing through him as he stared at the dirt. This would be a long journey indeed. 

* * *

The great hall of Erebor was deathly quiet. Earlier there had been a funeral. Three of them. Durin’s sons had laid upon their death slabs and their leal followers had stood around them in somber silence. Among those gathered to bid farewell to the lives of their liege, one had been missing.

Now she emerged and Dwalin watched as she slowly approached the centre stone bed among the triplet. A single sniffle came from her and she reluctantly stepped up to the slab. Thorin’s body remained, still and lifeless, his coveted Arkenstone clasped in his stiff fingers. The figure leaned against the deathbed heavily and placed her hand atop the king’s pale one.

“Why?” Her broken voice wisped through the air, “I told you not to die.”

Dwalin could hear her fighting her tears as she sniffed and rubbed her eyes. Even from his hiding place behind the far pillar, he could see her shaking and her legs gave out as she collapsed to the floor in a heap of despair. Her sobs filled the cavernous chamber and erupted into a sharp scream of grief.

The piercing tone stabbed Dwalin’s chest more deeply than even the death of his closest friend. He leaned against the pillar as he tried to catch his breath, mustering the courage to comfort the woman he had loved in betrayal of the dwarf who now lay dead above her.

With near silent footsteps, Dwalin stepped out from behind the column and steadied his breathing as he walked along the stone floor. The quivering heap of cloak and hair did not hear him as he approached and knelt beside her, pulling forth the handkerchief from his chest pocket. The fabric was soft and clean, unlike the rest of him; she had given him the square of cloth at the beginning of their journey and he had not been able to bring himself to relinquish it. Now he did.

“Y/N,” He held out the handkerchief as she raised her head and looked to him, her skin tear-streaked and blotchy. Even so, she was the most immaculate being he had ever seen, “Here.”

“Dwalin?” She greeted in a brittle voice, “What are you doing here? Oh, Mahal, and here I am blubbering on the floor.”

“It’s alright,” He thought of putting a hand on her delicate shoulder, but he feared he would break her, “I was just only upon the floor blubbering myself.”

“My, Dwalin, is that a joke?” She puzzled as she took the cloth and dabbed at her cheeks, “After all this time, you choose now to grow a sense of humour as–” She choked as her throat tightened and more tears came.

“I’m sorry,” He grumbled, sniffing as his nose was still raw from his own mourning, “I’m no good with these things. I don’t know much about how to deal with my own feelings, let alone others’.”

“Really? You’ve always been a great comfort to me,” She offered and she reached over to touch his hand as he recalled the sight of her doing the same to Thorin’s lifeless one, “I always thought you had a gentle heart. It’s just hard to get to through all the beard and muscle.”

“Maybe, deep down inside,” He admitted but made no effort to remove her hand, “I must, if it hurts so much.”

“Oh, Dwalin, how utterly horrid,” She commented despairingly and brushed away a hank of hair from her face, “I’m sad…but not just because he’s…gone. I’m scared.”

“Scared? You?” He wondered aloud, “I daresay you’ve always been braver than even Thorin.”

“I was brave because of him, now I’m all alone…well, for now,” She sighed and leaned against the side of the stone bed, “We cannot leave this place…I just don’t know how to tell the others. I was so afraid to come to the funeral, I didn’t want them to see what a mess I’ve become.”

“Do you think they’re any better?” He countered as he pressed his back against the stone beside hers, “They need you. You’re their queen.”

“Was…or almost was,” She hung her head and picked at the handkerchief, “They’d never stay her for me…but it wouldn’t be for me.”

“What do you mean, Y/N?” Dwalin asked as he tilted his head, trying to decipher her riddle, “For who, then?”

“For the prince,” She gulped and breathed in deeply, “I never had a chance to tell him but I’m with child. And now that child has no father.”

“Y/N, is this true?” Dwalin felt his chest heave, “Are you fool enough to think the rest would leave a son of Durin? Or daughter? This means there is life in the Mountain, yet.”

“Me and Thorin never had a formal wedding, though,” She insisted, “We were never joined as king and queen.”

“We dwarves have never been overly formal, you know that as well as any,” He was suddenly filled with energy, as if revived by the idea that a piece of his dearest friend still remained, “I’ll send for Dis. She’ll surely want to meet her brother’s child, and the others will stay and help build the royal babe a kingdom, and–”

“Oh, Dwalin, I’ve never seen you so spirited,” She let go of his hand as he stood, though he offered it for her to rise, “Has the king’s passing maddened you?”

“No, no,” He shook his head and clasped her hand tightly, “But we have much to do.”

“The birth won’t be for some time,” She argued and she looked to Thorin’s corpse with dismay, “And how am I to do this all on my own?”

“On your own? Never,” Dwalin turned to the royal pyre and placed his free hand on his chest, “Thorin, Son of Thrain, Son of Thror, I give to you my last vow as your subject and friend. I shall see your child safely into this world and that he should sit the throne which is rightfully his. On my honour and that of my forefathers, I vow no son of Durin shall go without their blood right again.”

“You’ve surely gone mad, Dwalin,” Y/N chimed as she stood beside him, her hand gripping his tightly.

“And I vow it to you, Queen Y/N,” He proclaimed as he turned to her, “Your child shall one day wear the crown of Erebor.”

“I am not so foolish as to argue with you, Dwalin,” She bowed her head and her long lashes sparkled in the dim light of the great hall, “Thank you, Dwalin.” Her voice quavered and suddenly her arms were around, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

She buried her face in his shoulder and he could not help but stroke her soft hair with his rough fingers. She began to cry again, her body racked with sobs as he held her steady. Despite his friend dead upon the slab, the touch of his true love warmed him and he dreamed of all the ways he should honour her and the memory of his fallen king.

* * *

Dwalin watched Y/N as she stood beside Dis who had arrived at her rooms with a trunk full of goods. She had explained that they were the baby clothes from her own children in a sorrowful voice but at the prospect of them having a new use, she brightened. The two dwarrowdams held an air of mutual morning as they sorted through the garments but were slowly learning to smile again.

Y/N’s stomach had grown round since her husband had died those months ago, and her oversized dress clung to her figure tightly. Her cheeks were fuller and pinker with her condition and her hair thicker. She was even more beautiful than before and Dwalin was even more in love with her.

Dwalin helped as they picked through the clothing and he was suddenly eager to meet the baby. He had been counting the weeks but still, the reality of it was yet to sink in. Dis closed the trunk as they finished and smiled at both of them.

“I’m happy that you’ll be able to use these,” She said as she set aside the trunk, “I surely won’t…I am sorry, I am tired. This has taken much out of me.”

“It is quite alright, Dis,” Y/N assured and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, “Go and rest. I can’t even imagine how difficult this has been. And so kind of you.”

“Not at all,” Dis waved away the compliment, “And I will. A good lay down will do me well. Come see me in the morning, Y/N, and we’ll finish that baby quilt.”

“Certainly,” Y/N promised and kiss her sister-in-law farewell, watching her leave before turning to Dwalin who stood forgotten, “Dwalin, what can I do? She’s so sad, and why wouldn’t she be? Both her sons…”

“But she’ll have her nephew, or niece,” Dwalin offered as he rounded the table to Y/N, “And her home.”

“Yes, but look at what our home cost us,” Y/N lamented and rubbed her large stomach, “I don’t know how I’ll manage this child.”

“You’ll be a fine mother,” Dwalin promised with a smile, “Just think, soon enough you’ll have a piece of Thorin, living and breathing in your arms.”

“I almost can’t believe it,” She breathed thinly, “That I could hold a part of him.”

“You will and it will be wonderful, I promise.”

“You’ll have your turn, too,” She grinned and took his hand; a habit she had formed when nervous, but this time she placed his palm on her stomach, “You will be there for him, right?”

“Every day,” He vowed and her eyes caught his with a sparkle.

He noticed her waver as she stood on tip toes and leaned over the girth of her stomach, her hands on his shoulders before he could think. Then her lips were on his and he was frozen in place as she kissed him. It was so gentle he could not believe it was real and as she parted from him, he stood with his mouth open in shock.

“I’m sorry, Dwalin,” She touched her rosy cheeks with her hands in mortification, “That was wrong. I shouldn’t have done that…I just thought…You’ve been so lovely and you’re all I’ve had since—I’m sorry.”

“Please, don’t say you’re sorry,” He pleaded as he broke through his paralysis, “Please, don’t.”

“Dwalin, you don’t have to treat me like I can do no wrong,” She argued as she dropped her hands, “Just because I’m pregnant.”

“But…you can’t,” He insisted as he caught her hand, “And not because you’re pregnant, but because…” He inhaled as his searched her face, “I love you, Y/N.”

“You cannot,” She protested but did not pull away, “You loved Thorin but it does not mean you have to love me.”

“I loved him, aye,” He assured her as he got as close as he could, her stomach pressing against him, “But I’ve always loved you more, since the moment I laid eyes on you. Watching you all that time with Thorin, I never resented it but it hurt all the same. I loved you then. I love you now. And I’ll love you until I die.”

“Oh, Dwalin!” She exclaimed and her eyes widened with panic and he cringed as he realized he may have just dissembled their entire friendship with a single confession.

“I… you don’t have to feel the same, I just–”

“No, Dwalin, I do love you,” She said hastily as she let go of his hand, “But my water just broke.” She flinched as she grasped her stomach and groaned, “Oh Mahal, I think the baby’s coming.”

“The baby?” His eyes brows rose nearly to his hairline; a mighty feat, “Oh, uh, oh.”

“Ah,” She wheezed in pain, “Help me to my bed.”

He was at her side in a moment and guided her by her arm to the large bed, helping her onto the mattress as she grunted in agony. She laid back on the pillows and splayed her legs out carelessly as she began to breathe heavily.

“Go get Oin,” She ordered through gasps, “Oh, Mahal help me.”

He stood staring at her numbly as panic overtook his sense and her eyes suddenly grew angry as she looked to him.

“Go!” She nearly shouted as he motioned for him to move, “Ugh! Before this thing comes out on its own.”

Dwalin finally realized what was happening and nearly tripped over his boots as he turned to run for help. Stumbling through the door and into the corridor, his feet skidded over the stones as he searched for the grey-haired medic. The baby was coming!

* * *

Dwalin had gripped Y/N’s hand tighter than she had his during the labour and as she screamed and hollered through the pain, he prayed for the child to come out healthy. His heart raced as he tried to calm Y/N’s breathing and when high-pitched wailing finally filled the room, he sighed and sat back against the headboard beside the new mother.

“Y/N,” Oin came around and handed over the crying babe, squirming and wriggling as she was placed in her mother’s arms, “It’s a princess.”

“Oh,” Y/N took the child carefully and her eyes filled with tears as she looked down the dark hair atop her head and the deep blue eyes which foretold of her paternity, “She looks just like Thorin.”

“She does,” Dwalin smiled to himself as he nestled closer to Y/N, “You’re going to have a handful with her if she’s got her fair share of Durin’s blood.”

“Oh, I will?” Y/N looked over at him, her forehead glistening with the cooling sweat of her labour, “I thought you made me a promise.”

“Aye, me too,” He nodded and chuckled, “But I was always better at handling Durins than most.”

“You think so?” Y/N challenged with a smile of her own, “Well, let’s see about that.”

She shifted the babe towards him and he took gently from her, a wash of awe coming over him as he held the warm figure in his arms. The girl settled against him snugly and did not cry, a rarity among children as many found Dwalin a fearsome sight. He looked into the child’s eyes and felt his own begin to tingle as tears threatened to rise.

Another Durin to serve; to love; to protect. He would have to tell Thorin how much his daughter looked like her mother the next time he was in the crypt. The king would surely be comforted to know that the Mountain had been reclaimed at last.


End file.
